


The Price of Love

by thelastwriter



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bad Ending, Bittersweet Ending, Declarations Of Love, Friendship/Love, Heavy Angst, Lots of Angst, Love, Love Triangles, Multi, Pain, Resurrection, Spells & Enchantments, Unrequited Love, grace is a true b!tch here, i hate myself for writing this, lots of feelings, lots of pain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28153764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelastwriter/pseuds/thelastwriter
Summary: London, 1903“I have every intention of doing all I can to help Jesse– whether he wants me to or not.”Grace stepped forward, out of the shadows. Her green earbobs danced in the light, like the jewelled eyes of cats. “In that case,” she said, “do tell me more.” [From Chain of Gold]And Lucie did tell Grace more. Much more.
Relationships: Alastair Carstairs/Thomas Lightwood, Ariadne Bridgestock/Anna Lightwood, Cordelia Carstairs & Lucie Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale, Grace Blackthorn & Jesse Blackthorn, Jesse Blackthorn/Lucie Herondale, Matthew Fairchild & James Herondale, Matthew Fairchild & Lucie Herondale, Matthew Fairchild/Lucie Herondale, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	1. Part 1: The First Choice

**Author's Note:**

> My friends give me painful ideas and I turn them into painful fanfiction. I just wanted to write about my comfort ship (Matthew&Lucie) but of course I wouldn't just go for the fluffy thing. I also have that in progress, but I needed to get this off my chest first.  
> Also, I love Jesse Blackthorn (and yes, my multishipping-a$$ loves Heronthorn too and can't wait to read more of them in CoI).  
> Hope you like it xx

“There is a man who would give his life to keep a life you love beside you.”

Charles Dickens, _A Tale of Two Cities_

_London, 1903_

_“I have every intention of doing all I can to help Jesse– whether he wants me to or not.”_

_Grace stepped forward, out of the shadows. Her green earbobs danced in the light, like the jewelled eyes of cats. “In that case,” she said, “do tell me more.”_

And Lucie did tell Grace more. _Much_ more. She revealed her powers to her – the warlock abilities that she had inherited from her mother’s side. That finally explained why she was the only one, besides Tatiana and Grace, who could see Jesse. But not only she was able to see all kinds of ghosts, she could also make them obey any of her orders.

The two girls long discussed about finding a way to bring him back. Lucie tried to figure out if she could do it with the only aid of her powers, but she soon realised that they were not strong enough to perform such a ritual alone. It was Grace the one to bring up the Black Volume of The Dead first – she had overheard her mother talk about it on some occasions. Thus, Lucie did some research and found out that it was kept at the Cornwall Institute.

· · ·

_London, March 1904_

They spent months researching and studying, building up the perfect plan. Eventually, after they made up a very questionable but still credible excuse, Will surprisingly allowed Lucie and Grace to travel to Cornwall, but at one condition: they would need a chaperon. Lucie hadn’t yet spoken to a soul about their dangerous plans, it was a matter of life and death – quite _literally_. She hadn’t even told James, or Cordelia, who was still to become her _parabatai_. She really wanted to, though, and probably would have, once she found a solution.

While Lucie was still arguing with her father, begging him to trust them and let them go alone, Matthew Fairchild stepped in, gallantly volunteering to be the one to escort them and make sure their trip would be safe. He certainly didn’t have a soft spot for Grace, but indeed he had always had one for Lucie, and he would have done _anything_ to see her happy.

After Grace’s spell on James had been broken and his true feelings for Cordelia had finally been declared, the pair had happily married and were still together to that day. Matthew’s feelings for Cordelia had slowly faded away, overcome by the joy he felt for his _parabatai_ , who finally seemed to have found his place in the world. Matthew’s old feelings for Lucie, though, had suddenly come back to the surface. He had tried to convince everyone, himself included, that it all had been just “a phase”– but the truth was far from it. He’d once again found himself pining for her, more intensely than ever before: he so badly wanted to court her, to marry her, to build a home and a family with her, to give her a happy life – but she’d always been so distant, and now he felt her slipping away from him more and more every new dawn. Was there, by any chance, someone else he didn’t know about?

Will agreed to Matthew’s proposal straightaway, and Lucie found out, to her surprise, that she couldn’t say no to those pleading, deep-emerald eyes.

Matthew only discovered the truth halfway to their destination. He was definitely shocked and beseeched Lucie to give up on that suicide mission. He tried to remind her of the risks: she could be stripped of her marks and be exiled, and of course black magic always required the payment of a high, dangerous _price_.

She could lose everything, and for what? Or, rather, _who_. All that for _a stupid ghost_. Yeah, there was that matter, too. Matthew didn’t like the way she spoke of that Jesse guy – it was the way he wished she would speak _of_ _him_. Could he be the one she was in love with? Could a _dead guy_ that no one but Lucie and those two witches could see be more worthy of her love than he was?

After giving it some thought, he sadly came to the conclusion that yes, maybe he could. In fact, he didn’t think that she had ever really returned his feelings, not even after they had shared _those two kisses_.

_London Institute’s library, 1902_

_Matthew and Lucie were reading together, snuggled up next to each other on the green sofa by the fireplace. London was all dressed in white on that cold day, a candid mantle of snow stretching out on its busy streets. It was freezing, so they had also wrapped themselves up in a warm blanket. Matthew liked being so close to Lucie, though he feared that, that way, she would notice his racing heart. She was reciting some lines out loud, and he was listening to her, enthralled._

_Then she stopped for a moment and looked at him, smiling, and at that point Matthew couldn’t help but lean in and just kiss her lips. It was soft, sweet, warm, intimate… it felt_ right _. She returned the kiss for a few seconds before breaking it and looking at him, giggling. “Matthew, you scoundrel! Aren’t we still too young for this kind of things?”_

_“To be frank with you, I don’t quite think so,” he answered with a smirk on his lips._

_“But – you understand that you can’t just go around stealing kisses away from me like that!”_

_“It wasn’t a theft in my opinion, darling Lucie, since you kissed me back. But, either way, I’m glad I did it.”_

_“What do you mean?” she asked, innocence and confusion spread all over her face._

_“It means I like you, Lu. Easy as that.” He looked at her, his heart warmed by a spark of hope as he tucked a lock of brown hair behind her ear._

_Her eyes lit up with joy and a bit of surprise but, to Matthew’s dismay, she didn’t say anything back. Instead, she just rested her head on his shoulder and went back to reading, while he just sighed and put his arms around her, pulling her closer to him and holding her tight._

_Lucie’s bedchamber, January 1904_

_Lucie was very upset because something in the chapter she was writing just seemed completely off and she was struggling to get it right. Her hands were all dirty with ink, and tens of crumpled sheets were scattered all around the place, both on her desk and on the floor. Matthew was sitting on a chair beside her, in the vain attempt to calm her down with his jokes and to give her advice when she asked for it. At some point she almost broke down crying from the frustration, and he readily welcomed her in his arms, trying to give her some comfort._

_He put a hand on her cheek, brushing a loose curl of her hair behind her ear, trying to make her stop whining, and just looked at her, his gaze wandering back and forth from her eyes to her lips. She sighed, wrapping curls of her hair around her fingers. It all happened in the blink of an eye: they didn’t know for sure who leaned in first, but a few seconds later they were kissing. It was rougher than their first one: there was more urgency to it, more desire, more burning touches, and a tip of desperation._

_Once again, Lucie broke the kiss first._

_“What… what are we doing?” she said, a little out of breath._

_Matthew didn’t know what to say, so he tried to laugh it off, as usual. “Maybe we were trying to… kiss the stress away?” he answered, a slight smirk appearing on his red and swollen lips._

_She gave him a faint smile. “Maybe.”_

_“Lu… I think we should talk. This happened again and we never discussed about it the first time.”_

_“There’s nothing to say, Matthew. Obviously it was a_ mistake _.” The hurt became clear in Matthew’s eyes._

_“Is that what you think?” he asked._

_“It’s… it’s complicated,” Lucie only managed to answer. She didn’t dare to meet his gaze._

_Anger took over him. “_ You _made it complicated. I think I’ve always made it pretty easy for you.” He stood up and stormed off without waiting for an answer, leaving a flummoxed Lucie behind._

_He went back to his room, pulling an empty flask from his pocket and looking at it furiously. He threw it against the wall. Maybe that was why Lucie had always rejected him. Maybe she didn’t want to carry that burden with him. He’d eventually opened up to everyone about what he had done, had had a long talk with his family and had finally started to forgive himself, but giving up his bad drinking habit had turned out to be harder than he’d hoped, and he was still struggling. He had thought that, maybe, Lucie cared about him enough to bear with that. Perhaps he’d been wrong._

_H_ _e talked about it to James and Cordelia, but even they seemed unable to help him understand the reason behind her behaviour. She wouldn’t open up to them either, they had no idea what was going on in her life that was pulling her away from everyone more and more every day._

· · ·

_London, March 1904_

Now Matthew knew. It had been Jesse Blackthorn all along. And now she seemed so committed to bringing him back, that she had even agreed to team up with _that witch_. He thought she was being crazy, and yet a very irrational part of himself still wanted to help her. He didn’t want to deny her the chance to be happy. Also, he knew that she would do it with or without his approval, so he thought that at least he could make sure that she was safe all along.

And so, once arrived at the Cornwall Institute, they managed to sneak into the library and, after a lot of searching, they eventually found the Black Volume of The Dead. Stealing it would have been too dangerous: everyone would have immediately noticed that it was missing, so they opted for making a copy of the resurrecting spell they had found in the book. Grace offered to take care of that, while Lucie and Matthew guarded the entrances of the vast room. Once they got everything they needed, they cautiously put the volume back where they had found it, quickly left the place and went straight back to London.

· · ·

_London, a few days later_

«Lucie».

Lucie was alone, wandering the streets in search of one of the last ingredients they needed for the spell, when she heard Jesse’s voice.

«Jesse, you startled me» she said, but quickly added, with a smile «but I’m glad you’re here. It’s been a while».

«Yes, I was mad at you. I still am, as a matter of fact» he exhaled.

«Is it because I’m working with your sister to bring you back? You should be grateful… you know we care about you! I thought you cared about us too».

Jesse frowned, letting out a sigh. «I _do_ care about you. That’s why I want you to stop before you do something very stupid and end up hurting yourselves or someone else». Though Jesse’s heart had been still for years now, he could almost feel some sort of pain in the spot where it once lay beating– when he was _alive_. Why was the thing he wanted more than anything else also what he dreaded the most? He couldn’t let her go through all of that for him. He didn’t belong to this world anymore, she couldn’t take that risk. He would always be grateful to her, because she had allowed him to be the Shadowhunter he’d always dreamt to become, even just for that one, single time when he had given up his last breath to save James. _That is enough for me_ , he thought. _I can rest in peace now, and she can live a long and happy life with someone who loves her and who can give her what she deserves._

«But– you said you’d like to come back to life! I thought that you wanted to be with me!». She was almost crying.

He lowered his head. «It’s true. But not like this. I cannot approve of you using black magic. We both know too well it never brings anything good».

Lucie glared at him. «Alright. You leave me no other choice. I am sorry, Jesse, I really am... I hope you’ll understand that I’m doing this for you». She took a deep breath. «I _command you_ to help me find the last ingredients that we need for the spell». Lucie's voice suddenly sounded different, it had something frighteningly eerie to it.

Jesse felt overwhelmed with worry as she pronounced those words, but he couldn’t do anything but obey her, once again.

It took them another couple of weeks until they had everything they needed, and eventually they agreed to perform the ritual at the Serpentine Lake in Hyde Park, at night-time, when all London would be already sound asleep.

· · ·

_Chiswick House, April 1904_

«So, is everything finally settled? Are you sure she will really do it?» Tatiana asked, fidgeting with her gloves.

«Of this I’m sure, mother. She’s in love with Jesse, I can sense it, even without my power. She would do _anything_ to bring him back» answered Grace, with her chin up and a fierce smile.

Tatiana smiled back, but then she frowned. «What about that boy?».

«What boy, mother?» Grace gave her a questioning look. Her mother gave a dismissing wave of her hand. «The Consul’s son. The younger one».

«Ah– you mean Matthew Fairchild. He’s not that big of a problem anymore. Actually, I think he will be of great help when it comes to _the price_ ».

A pleased grin spread on Tatiana’s lips. «Interesting. Does the Herondale girl know about this?».

«She doesn’t necessarily need to know for now. She will when the right time comes». Grace giggled.

«Good. Very good, my child». Tatiana gently stroked her daughter’s hair, then looked down and run her other hand on the glass under which rested her son’s body, untouched. «Soon, we’ll all be together again» she said in an ominous tone.

· · ·

_James’ bedchambers, April 1904_

James heard someone knocking on his door. «Please, do come in».

Lucie entered the room. «Did you call for me, Jamie?».

He turned to look at her. «Yes, I did. I will be very straightforward, Lucie. I’ve barely seen you these past few weeks. You’ve been missing your training sessions with Cordelia. And you’ve been pushing Matthew away for no reason whatsoever. Will you tell me what’s going on, once and for all?».

Lucie started trembling in front of her older brother, and he noticed, so he moved closer to her and grabbed her shaking hands, drawing invisible circles on them with his thumbs, as he knew that it was something that would always calm her down.

Then she began sobbing uncontrollably, and finally started blurting out _all_ the truth. She told him about Jesse, about how he had saved her so many years ago in Brocelind Forest and how they had grown close since then, as she was the only one who could see him, besides his mother and his sister. She went on telling him about Grace, about truth behind their trip to Cornwall, about Matthew’s help and about the ritual and their plan to bring Jesse back. James wore an astonished look all along, in evident disbelief in front of all that completely unexpected information.

After she stopped talking, the room fell silent for a bunch of minutes. «Have you completely lost your mind?» James then said, finally breaking the silence.

Lucie tried to reason with him. «James, I told you that...».

He was furious and wasn’t thinking clearly, so he interrupted her before she could even start arguing. «I understand very well what you just told me. I can’t believe you of all people could be so easily talked into such madness. Risking your and other people’s lives, threatening your role as a Shadowhunter and the already tainted reputation of our family. I thought you knew better, Luce».

Lucie was overfilled with rage. «I _knew_ that you could never understand. That's why I didn't tell you until now. You just proved to me that I was wrong to believe that I could trust you». She turned on her heels and left the room, ignoring James’ orders to come back.

· · ·

Fuming, Lucie rushed outside the Institute and headed towards Blackthorn Manor. She mostly followed her instinct and memory, since her vision was blurred by her own tears as she ran fast underneath the gloomy London sky.

When Lucie arrived at the gates of Chiswick House, she only found Jesse there. Tatiana and Grace were probably out for their Sunday afternoon stroll, but they would probably be getting back soon so she decided to wait for them inside.

«Lead the way» she told Jesse, who readily complied.

«Make yourself at home» he encouraged her, smiling. Despite all their recent arguments, he was very fond of her, and although he still was against the idea of her taking that mad risk for him, he was also flattered by her deep affection, which was all reciprocated.

Lucie walked into Grace’s chambers and started looking for the notebook where the girl had written down the instructions for the spell – Lucie wanted to finally read all the details. After poking around for a handful of minutes, she eventually found what she was looking for in one of Grace’s drawers. She smoothed the pages and started reading, wearing a satisfied smile as she checked the list of the ingredients and saw that they had succeeded in gathering all of them. She then went through the procedure, memorizing as much of it as she could and rehearsing each step in her head, until her smile suddenly faded away when she saw one final note at the bottom of the last page, in a smaller writing: _The price._

Realisation hit her hard, and she felt a cold shiver run through her back as Jesse tried to touch her shoulder, flinching at her sudden change of attitude.

«Lucie, is everything alright?» he asked in a worried tone.

«I-I... I can’t believe it» Lucie stuttered, «It can’t be... oh, who am I kidding. _Of course_ it can. How could I be so stupid? How could I not think about it sooner? It was too good to be true».

«What are you talking about, Lucie? Please, calm down– talk to me».

«See for yourself» she said, showing him that one paragraph that had shocked her to the core.

Jesse gasped. «Does this mean...».

«I _didn’t_ know. I would have never agreed to do such a thing knowing the price was this high! I care about you, Jesse, a lot, but it would never be fair to take another innocent’s life to bring you back. I’m sorry, I can’t do it this way. I _failed_ you» she said, bursting into tears as realisation hit her all at once. «It all seemed so easy. _Too_ easy. I thought we had finally found the right spell, one that could have required all my power, even took it away from me for good, if anything. I thought I had found the right way for us to be _together_. But now I know I could never do that– at least not this way. Not even for you, Jesse. I hope that you understand» she mumbled, sniffling.

Jesse simply smiled. «I’m so glad that you started seeing some sense again, at last. I care about you too, Lucie, but I already told you that there is nothing that you can do to bring me back, and that’s fine. If it’s up to anyone, that is not you. You already did so much for me. And anyway, I will always be there for you, no matter if dead or alive». Lucie wiped the tears from her eyes. «I wish there was another way». She weakly reached out her hand to his, trying to touch it – with no luck. He leaned closer to her, their foreheads almost touching.

Just then, Grace made her entrance in the room. «What a touching scene. I guess after all I was right since the very beginning, about you Herondales and your sense of honour».

Both Lucie and Jesse flinched and turned around to look at the girl. Long locks of fair hair rested on the edgy lines of her shoulders, her pearl grey dress matching the colour of her icy eyes. She was just as beautiful as she was wicked. She shot them a grim look.

«Grace. You’re back» Lucie said in a thin voice.

«I am. And, from what I can see, you’ve already made yourself pretty comfortable» her aloof gaze shifted to the notebook in Lucie’s hands. «So, I guess you finally found out about _the price_ ».

«Why didn’t you tell me right away?» Lucie asked, still shaking.

«Because I knew you would have the exact same reaction you are having right now. You would have gone crazy and backed out, just like that».

«You kept this from me because you knew it was the only chance to get your brother back. And of course, you don’t care about anyone else’s life but your family’s» Lucie hissed.

«I thought that you loved my brother enough to make that one _small_ sacrifice for him... I guess I was wrong. Anyway, maybe it’s for the best. You’ve never deserved him, and you will still not deserve him once he comes back to life. Yes, he _will_ still come back. With or without your help».

Lucie clenched her fists. «You’re right, I will not help you anymore. But we know very well that you are not strong enough to do it alone. It’s over, Grace. I’m incredibly sorry for Jesse, I already told him– I _do_ love him, but I could never do that, for anyone».

«For anyone, you say?» Grace frowned. «What about your dear Matthew Fairchild?». A faint grimace appeared on Jesse’s face at the sound of that name. He had noticed the two of them being very close, and although he wanted nothing but Lucie’s happiness, he couldn’t help but be a little... jealous? Could ghosts even feel jealousy? That was the only thing that could’ve explained the small pain in the gut he always felt whenever he would see Matthew hold Lucie in his arms. The way _he_ wanted to hold her, but just couldn’t.

«I don’t understand. What does Matthew have to do with this?» Lucie asked.

Grace snorted. «I saw how you two were looking at each other while you were guarding the library in Cornwall».

Lucie’s cheeks turned a fair shade of pink. «But that doesn’t mean anything– we’re just friends, we’ve always been, and I don’t see how this could have something to do with my will to bring Jesse back. I would never take another innocent’s life, in any case».

Grace seemed all but convinced, but she didn’t argue further. «If you say so. It’s too late anyway. Jesse _will_ come back».

«Grace...» Jesse finally spoke up.

«What? Don’t tell me that you seriously agree with her».

«In fact, I do. I don’t want my life back, if that means taking someone else’s».

Grace let out a nervous laugh. «She really brainwashed you, didn’t she? Very well, at this point I guess mother and I are on our own».

Lucie stood up and grabbed her coat. «We will see about that. This is not over, Grace Blackthorn. I was wrong to trust you once, I will not make the same mistake again».

«Oh, we’ll see who has the last word here» Grace hissed.

Lucie ignored her. She reached the door instead and left Chiswick as fast as she had gotten there. She headed back to the Institute, and to her brother. She had some apologies to make.

· · ·

When Lucie arrived at the Institute, James was already waiting for her on the doorstep, arms crossed over his chest and an unreadable look on his face. Just the sight of him made her eyes water.

«J-Jamie» she began, trying to find the right words to apologise to him. But by then he was already holding her in his arms, gently stroking her hair.

«I’m so, so sorry» Lucie continued. «I just found out about the price of that stupid spell, it being the life of another person, and I would _never,_ ever do that. For anyone. I was ready to risk my life as a Shadowhunter for Jesse, that’s true. But I am no murderer. I've been acting like a fool».

James sighed, then took Lucie’s hand and they moved to the drawing room. They sat down in front of the fireplace.

«It’s alright, Luce. I’m glad that you’ve come to your senses. I’m sorry I yelled at you, but you were being quite unwavering there».

«I am the one who should apologize to you for stomping my feet and being so stubborn and saying those words to you. I didn’t mean to hurt you, James».

James gave her a hint of a smile. «I know you didn’t. But I’m sorry for underestimating your feelings. I didn’t even bother to try to understand your feelings for Jesse». Lucie looked down, hurt by the sound of Jesse’s name reminding her that she could never bring him back and be with him. James noticed her sad look, and got closer to her, putting his hand on hers. «Hey... I’m sorry. I know how it feels, wanting something you can never have».

Lucie smiled bitterly. «You have Cordelia, though». _Guilty as charged_. James felt useless, he didn’t know what to do to cheer his sister up. He remained silent for a minute.

«...what about Matthew, then?» he finally said.

Lucie looked up. «Oh, Matthew» she said, nervously playing with her fingers.

James sighed. «He told me what happened between you, Luce. He... he really cares about you. And I know you are not indifferent to him as well – you may have been in the past, but I noticed how you look at him now. Things have changed» he paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. «I don’t want you to hurt his feelings. He’s been through so much, please don’t lead him on. If you don’t feel the same about him, just tell him».

Lucie hesitated for a moment before answering. «I– since we were children, I’ve always seen him as just a friend. You could say he was my best friend, it’s no secret we’ve always been very close. But, as we grew up, I started feeling... funny, at times. I even secretely started writing about him, taking inspiration from moments we shared in real life». She paused for a second, her mind travelling back to the her memories with Matthew. From their soup-ladle battles when they were little, to the first time she felt her heart skip a beat because of him. She had been avoiding her feelings for so long– she had been so busy trying to understand what was right and what was wrong, when all she needed to do was to look for what felt like _home_. She'd always believed that finding love was a long and challenging quest, just like in the books— when she had been ignoring the fact that, sometimes, it was much more simple. Sometimes you just realise that what you've been looking for all your life has actually been standing by your side all along. It's all about _when_ you figure that out.

«There was something in the way that he looked at me, that changed the way I looked at him. I didn’t think I reciprocated his feelings, at first, I also remember telling you more than once in the past. When Jesse came into the picture, it all got more complicated. I felt... drawn to him, especially since I was one of the few people who could see him. What happened to him is so unfair, and he’s so kind, I guess I just found myself caring– developing feelings for him. But so I did with Matthew. It’s like my heart is torn in two, I can’t explain it».

«Lucie... I hate to tell you this, but Jesse... Jesse has very few chances to come back, as of right now. And even if he came back, you would still need to come to terms with what you feel. Just because you care about him, it doesn’t mean he’s meant to be the love of your life. But I still don’t want you to be with Matthew, if that means you’d just be settling for him. He doesn’t deserve that– he deserves to be someone’s first choice. So please, be true to your heart and think it through before you do anything, alright? I love you and Matthew so much, I couldn’t bear to see you both heartbroken because of each other. All I want is for you both to be happy, whether you are together or not».

Lucie smiled and planted a kiss on his brother’s cheek. «And you still wonder why Daisy loves you so deeply. How couldn’t she? She’s so lucky to have you. You’re both very lucky. Speaking of, I must go talk to her as well. We have a lot of catching up to do» she hugged James, resting her head on his shoulder. «Thank you, Jamie. I... I will think about it. As you said, it’s too complicated with Jesse, but that doesn’t mean Matthew should be some sort of rebound to me. I would never do that to him, I love him and would trust him with my own life, I can’t even stand the thought of him being hurt by me. I think I will talk to him. I will be honest about my feelings and all».

«That’s very mature of you» James smiled. «I am proud of my little sister».

Lucie found herself crying again, but James quickly handed her a handkerchief, which she immediately used to wipe a few tears from her eyes. «Now, now, don’t cry again, Luce. How about we go to the library and you read me your latest chapter from _The Beautiful Cordelia_ , mh? We should invite Daisy, too, so the two of you will finally be able to catch up. How would you like that?».

Lucie sniffled and chuckled. «Alright. But I warn you, Cruel Prince James is causing a handful of trouble in this chapter. And oh– he burns his hands with a kettle while making tea, because he’s basically being an idiot and he’s not paying enough attention to what he’s doing. And that is getting on Cordelia’s nerves».

James giggled. «I can live with that». He reached out his hand to help his sister stand up and headed towards the library, with Lucie following after him.

· · ·

_A week later_

Lucie found herself standing in front of a panting and sweaty Matthew in his black Shadowhunter gear. He had just finished training with James and was about to go take a bath when he had bumped into Lucie in the hallway.

«Lu! I almost didn’t see you there. How can I help you?».

Lucie’s cheeks flushed at the sight of him, the sweet tone of his voice and his blond, wet curls sticking to his forehead. As if he had heard her thoughts, he pulled some of the hair back with his fingers. Lucie noticed that he had removed all of his rings, except for the one James had gifted him on the occasion of their _parabatai_ ceremony. He never let go of it, it was his most precious possession. To both James’ and Lucie’s dismay, he seemed to be more attached to it than to his rare and (very) expensive collection of hairbrushes.

«Actually» Lucie cleared her throat. «I was just looking for you». She could read the surprise in his eyes.

«Oh? Tell me everything» he said.

Lucie looked around them and saw the Institute’s staff constantly coming and going, leaving them with as much as no privacy at all.

«Maybe we should go talk somewhere else».

Matthew nodded, his curiosity devouring him from inside. «Alright, let’s go».

They reached a gazebo in the backyard and sat on the bench underneath it. Lucie remembered how they used to play there when they were children, chasing each other around the place while James would quietly read a book sitting on that very bench, lost in his own little world, but still carefully watching over them. That was, until Matthew and Lucie would grab him by both arms and literally force him to play with them, and he would easily oblige. He had never been good at saying no to either of them.

Matthew noticed Lucie’s tension and gently took her hand into his own. «Is everything alright, Lu? You’re scaring me».

Lucie took a deep breath and tried to stop shaking. «I’m sorry, Matthew, it’s really nothing, it’s just that the things I want to say to you make me a little... nervous. And you know me well enough to agree that it’s not my wont, acting like this».

Matthew smirked. «Indeed, I’ve hardly ever seen Lucie Herondale being so tense».

Lucie chuckled. «Alright, enough with the chatter. I’ll go straight to the point. I wanted to talk... about us».

Matthew flinched. «...Us?» he asked in a cautious tone.

Lucie gave him a faint smile. She could feel her cheeks burn. «I know I haven’t been really fair to you in the past, whenever this topic would be brought up. I am sorry for not being clear about my feelings, or for pretending not to acknowledge yours. I want you to know that I’ve always cared deeply for you, and I would have never wanted to hurt your feelings. I was just so naïve– blind, I would dare to say. Those two kisses... especially the last one, from a couple months ago– despite what it may have looked like, they meant _something_ to me, too. I was just... so confused. And I’m sorry if I’ve told you that it had been a mistake, I guess I just panicked because both times I was not expecting it and I felt... overwhelmed. Moreover... I must be completely honest with you. It’s true, I also do have feelings for Jesse, feelings that have played their part into drawing me away from you in the past... but they’re not going to be a problem anymore. I thought it through very carefully, and first I want you to know that I wouldn’t be here talking to you if I wasn’t sure of this, or if I was just settling for something I don’t really want. It’s nothing like that. I... I want to give us a chance, Matthew. For real. No misunderstandings, no unexpected and confusing kisses, no doubts, none of that. Just... us, and the hope for a future together. If you’ll still have me, that is».

Matthew couldn’t believe to his ears, and a bright grin appeared on his lips. «Are you proposing to me, Lucie Herondale?».

Lucie gave him a little nudge. «No, you fool!» she paused for a moment. «Not yet, at least» she added, giggling.

Matthew put his arms around her waist, bringing her closer to him, and Lucie placed her hands over his chest. «Are you sure about this, Luce? You really want to start courting?».

«I am one hundred percent sure» Lucie said with a smile. And she really meant it. Although in her heart she still felt a stinging pain when the matter of Jesse would be brought up, she really wanted to be with Matthew, to give him the happiness and the love he had always deserved. She felt capable of doing that. And she felt he was what she needed as well. It all just felt _right_. 

Matthew’s eyes were glowing. «No more unexpected kisses, you were saying?» he grinned, leaning closer to her face.

«Yeah...» she answered.

He raised an eyebrow, a playful look on his face. «Are you expecting one now, by any chance?».

Lucie’s cheeks turned the colour of fire. «You tell me».

«Oh, I am definitely expecting one now».

«It would be so rude of me if I didn’t comply to these expectations of yours, wouldn’t it?».

«Absolutely rude. Despicable, even».

«Say no more, Fairchild» Lucie tittered, and a second later she had leaned in to kiss Matthew, and he had been waiting nothing more than to finally lock their lips together. He held her in a tight embrace, and for the first time they both savoured the moment with no signs of hesitation, doubt or regret. And yet, as Matthew was intoxicated by Lucie’s flavour on his mouth, he couldn’t help but hear a voice, thin but still clear, buried deep inside him, saying that it all was almost too good to be true. Who said that she was really one hundred percent sure of her choice? Who said that she wouldn’t change her mind and run back into Jesse’s arms, were he to be actually resurrected? After all, he had always come second to everyone in his life. Even James hadn’t liked him straightaway, when they had first met. He was so acquainted with unrequited love, to the point that the thought of finally being reciprocated was just absurd. How could Lucie, _his_ Lucie, finally be opening her heart to _him_? She was the smartest and the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, she could easily have won anybody’s heart, but she had chosen _him_. He had been _her first choice._

Was he going to be enough for her? Was he going to live up to her expectations? Or would he end up disappointing her as well?

He decided to momentarily put those thoughts aside and tried to focus exclusively on her, on that kiss he had so bad longed for, on that kiss that _she_ had willingly started this time. Nevertheless, he could still hear that sneaky voice hunting him from inside his mind every now and then.


	2. The Price

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things seem to look up after Lucie has come clear about her feelings for Matthew and chosen to be with him.  
> But everything is about to take an unexpected turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I finally managed to update this. As you can see, I changed the number of chapters from 2 to 3. The next chapter will be the final one. Hope you like it <3

_Alas, I am dying beyond my means._

– Oscar Wilde

_June 1904_

Before that April day, Matthew hadn’t had a good night sleep in a very long time. After Lucie had finally confessed that she reciprocated his feelings and was ready to commit to him, he had slept through the whole night without being awakened by nightmares. His heart felt lighter and warmer, knowing that his Lu had finally chosen to hold it in her hands.

Two months flew by pretty fast, during which everything seemed to have started looking up. The Merry Thieves, Lucie and Cordelia spent a lot of time together, along with Anna Lightwood, Ariadne Bridgestock and even Alastair, who seemed to have grown pretty close with Thomas. Lucie hadn’t heard from Grace and Tatiana anymore since her last visit to Chiswick House, and she was relieved about it; Jesse checked on her a few times, but he was glad to see her so happy and didn’t want to interfere with that. Lucie was finally starting to leave all that story behind. Her parents were also happy to hear the news of her courtship with Matthew. Will Herondale gladly had ‘the talk’ with him and Tessa even started discussing wedding arrangements already.

Over the weeks, Matthew never left Lucie’s side: he would keep her company – and distract her with cuddles – while she wrote; he would go on patrol with her every time she was on duty, and make sure she returned home safely; he would also sneak into her chambers almost every night – always being extremely careful not to be caught by Will, who would stay up reading until very late – and reluctantly leave her bed when the first rays of daylight peeped in through the curtains.

But most importantly, during those two months Matthew didn’t touch alcohol a single time.

· · ·

That night of mid-June, Matthew had been partying with the Merry Thieves – it had been too long since the last time they had went out for a men-only night – while Lucie had gone out for a fun and exciting night with her charming cousin Anna and Cordelia.

Since the boys had been out until the first hours in the morning, Matthew decided not to disturb Lucie and went to sleep at his apartment.

Despite the very few hours of sleep, he woke up early, ate some breakfast and decided to go for a walk around the city. He put on his breeches, boots and a cream shirt under a midnight blue vest. He grabbed a brown coat and put it on. He drew an Unseen rune on himself with his steele, so that mundanes wouldn’t catch sight of him, and finally left his apartment.

As he wandered the foggy London streets, he felt some sort of force pulling him towards itself. He didn’t know where it came from, or if he was meant to follow its path. He tried to ignore it, but it was stronger than he had thought, so he couldn’t help but yield to it.

Matthew had been walking for about five or ten minutes when he found himself in front of Chiswick House. He wanted to leave, but he still felt an urge to go inside, so he walked through the open gates and the garden, until he reached a hidden spot where a glass coffin was placed. Grace Blackthorn was standing beside it.

«It seems you’ve got my message» Grace sneered.

«I... I don’t know why I’m here» Matthew muttered, confused.

«Let me just clear that up for you» the girl said back, her tone as cold and sharp as an iceberg. Her gaze travelled down to meet her brother’s body in the coffin. «Do you see this? This is my brother. This is _Jesse_ » the eerie grin left her face, and a frown took its place. «I miss him so deeply. Imagine losing the only person who truly understands you and gives you all their affection». Matthew could think of more than one person who was able to read him like an open book, first among all his _parabatai_. He couldn’t imagine a life without him. Had James ever been taken away from him, he most certainly would have followed him, wherever he would go. Even to death. And of course there was Lucie, too. 

Grace noticed Matthew’s pensive mood. That made her regain her smile. She had hit the mark. «I heard that you and Lucie have grown close... how lovely».

«The matters between Lucie and I are none of your business» Matthew snarled.

Grace fleered. «No need to get so aggressive».

«What do you want, Grace? We won’t help you, I’m sorry about your brother, truly, but we can’t do anything to help you. Leave us alone» Matthew was about to turn around and walk away, but Grace’s voice didn’t let him. «You think you can’t do anything, but that’s where you’re wrong».

«Lucie is not helping you with her powers anymore».

«I don’t need Lucie. Not anymore».

«You can’t perform the ritual without her».

«Yes, I can. I found a catalyst at the Shadow Market. I’ve got everything I need. Well– _almost_ everything. And here’s where you can help».

«I don’t understand».

Grace smirked and grabbed Matthew’s wrist. He couldn’t find the strength to pull away from her. «I know how you must feel. You’ve finally won your girl’s heart, you finally were her first choice. Everything seems perfect. But are you really sure you’ll be able to keep it that way?».

Matthew faltered for a moment. «Why wouldn’t I be?».

«Just think about it. She was ready to give everything up for Jesse. Her powers, even her Shadowhunter abilities. Are you sure she would do the same for you?».

Matthew’s heart jumped in his chest. He wasn’t as sure as he was trying to convince himself to be. He was hit by memories of Lucie writing _alone_ in her room, a few months before they got together. He thought about the way she would flinch whenever he came in, as if he had caught her with someone else in there. There _had been_ someone else. She had been writing with Jesse. Even _about_ Jesse. _He_ was the mysterious Sir Jerrod, sneaking into Princess Lucretia’s chambers every night to keep her company in her loneliest hours, and fighting by her side during the goriest battles. Had Lucie even made him a character in her stories? Matthew wasn’t sure of it. He thought he remembered another man who seemed to be turning his affections towards Lucretia, but he was in so few chapters that his storyline was almost irrelevant. Matthew realised he was a side character, and he likely would always be. 

«I know how it feels like, to always be the second choice. And I know how hard it is to know that you’ll never be enough for the person you love». Grace tightened her grip around Matthew’s wrist. She was talking about James. She didn’t care for him like that anymore, but the thought of him still stung at times. «But there still is a way in which you could make your Lucie truly happy».

«How?» Matthew asked. His thoughts were clouded, he just couldn't think straight anymore. 

«Be _my price_. Be the sacrifice I need to bring Jesse back. I know I’m asking quite a lot from you, but just think about it». She looked him right in the eyes as she spoke. «Would you rather live a life being everybody’s second choice, without being able to really make them happy? You would just end up being a burden for everyone. You already are. But, by bringing Jesse back, Lucie would finally be happy. And it would be thanks to you. She would never forget you. She would finally see your true value».

A voice inside Matthew was screaming _No, no, no. It’s a trap. You really don’t agree with her. You have a long life ahead of you, a long life where you can be with Lucie, where she can be happy with you. A long life of fighting beside your_ parabatai _, of seeing him smile because of you. A long life with the Merry Thieves, and one with your beloved family– even with your brother Charles. Your life is worth it._

But Grace’s voice was so much more powerful. She was slowly easing her way into the depths of his mind, levering on all his weaknesses. Matthew wished he were strong enough to fight her, but he was so tired, and deep down he felt himself agree with her. He had already thought of ‘just disappearing’, in the past, when everything was dark and the sense of guilt was constantly crushing him. And now, something was telling him that there wasn't anything left for him in this life: somehow, everyone had found their rightful place– everyone but him. He would always be an outsider, more of a burden rather than anything else. The last couple months had only been an illusion. Perhaps now, by dying, he could leave one last good thing to the people he loved. He could make them happy, one last time.

After what had seemed like an endless silence, Matthew finally spoke. «I will do it. For Luce. For everybody».

Grace run her skeletal fingers through his hair. “I still have it in me”, she thought, smiling faintly. «Very well, Fairchild. You made the right choice. It’s for the best».

Matthew’s expression was completely blank. «When are we doing it?» he asked, his voice flat like the one of an automaton.

«At midnight. Hyde Park, Serpentine Lake. Don’t be late. And don’t tell anyone where you’re going».

«Deal. See you at midnight».

«See you at midnight». Grace grinned, and watched as the boy walked away, paler than Jesse’s ghost, almost staggering. There were some red marks around his left wrist, just where his _parabatai_ rune was, like the ones a tight bracelet would leave.

Her brother’s voice startled her. «What have you done?» Jesse said, extremely worried by what he had just witnessed.

«I did what it was needed to be done» she simply answered.

«Don’t be afraid, my child» Tatiana stepped in. «After tonight, we will finally be together again».

Jesse glared at them. «Not if I can stop you». He vanished, determined to go to Lucie to warn her, but Tatiana and Grace were already on their way to Hyde Park, setting everything up for the ritual. Jesse found himself unable to reach Lucie. He didn’t know what to do. If ghosts could cry, he was definitely doing it by then.

· · ·

_Hyde Park, a quarter to midnight_

Matthew had spent the afternoon at his old home, helping his father in the laboratory and chatting with his beloved mother. He went to his old room, running through the memories of his childhood. He even was nice to his brother, who repeatedly asked him if he was sure he wasn’t drunk again. Matthew answered that he couldn’t have been more sober, and that was true. When he left his family after dinner, he wished them a good night and silently bid them goodbye. He went back to his apartment and got changed, he only wore a white shirt and a pair of black trousers. He put his coat on and slipped away into the darkness of that starless night, with only a full moon silently watching over him as he made his way to Hyde Park, where Grace Blackthorn was waiting for him.

He found her there, dressed in moonlight silver, standing by the lakeshore, alone. Her mother had probably just left. She didn’t want to interfere with the already unstable balance of that tricky ritual. Or maybe she was just being a coward, as usual. Matthew could read the tension on Grace’s face– she was hoping that everything would go according to plan. She also seemed to be looking at an undefined spot in the air; Matthew figured out Jesse’s ghost was there with them. He saw his body lying in the coffin, a few feet away from where Grace was standing. He was as still as the waters of the lake, and so pale, yet so lively at the same time. It looked as if he was just sleeping.

Jesse’s ghost was indeed there, dreading every minute of it. He was tied to that place by invisible chains, unable to be a hero one more last time and save the people he cared about, and all that on account of his own mother and sister. He wished there was no way to bring him back, he wished he could just rest for good and leave the living alone. But it wasn’t his choice anymore. Even that had been taken away from him.

Grace had drawn circles on the grass, and demonic runes in between with the aid of Tatiana; she then had placed the ingredients all around them and the catalyst in the centre. The energy source was indeed of good quality because, as soon as she started reciting the scripted words, the circles lit up and the ingredients started mixing up and moving frantically.

Matthew was bewitched by that sight. He perceived an unexplainable burden on his chest, but his feelings were extremely numb at the same time. It was like when he drowned himself in alcohol, only this time he hadn’t had a single drop of it. He watched Grace’s lips moving and reciting words in latin and another demonic language he hadn’t studied yet. And in that moment he realised that he would have never had the chance to study it, since these were his very last moments on the earth. He was scared, and though his expression was blank, he felt a distant voice screaming inside of him.

His gaze moved to Grace’s belt, and he noticed a dagger hanging from it, the golden hilt coming out from a black leather sheath.

· · ·

Lucie and James were sitting opposite to each other on the table, piles of books surrounding them, tea still warm in their cups, and heads down on the pages. Lucie had also her fingers soiled with black ink from scribbling random scenes and plot ideas on her notepad.

James looked up to his sister and he noticed she was as pale as a ghost, and her hand was grasping the fabric of her dress over her chest, staining it with the ink. She was wheezing and shivering.

«Lucie, what’s going on? Are you alright?». He leaped on his feet and went to her.

«I... I can’t explain it... I’ve got this feeling in my chest. As if... don’t be mad at me, but– I think something’s up with Jesse. He’s trapped somewhere and he’s trying to tell me, but he can’t reach me».

«Lucie, hadn’t we discussed about this enough already? You are with Matthew now, Jesse no longer belongs to your concerns. Are you, by any chance, having second thoughts about your choices?».

«No, not at all! You don’t understand– it’s not about us! We have already discussed about that weeks ago. This is not a matter of the heart. It’s like... like he wants to warn me about something». Lucie hadn’t even finished the phrase when James gasped. «What is it, James?» Lucie asked, worried.

James brought a hand behind his shoulder, over his _parabatai_ rune.

«It’s – it’s Matthew. I can’t – I can’t _feel_ him anymore».

Lucie’s heart jumped in her chest, panic spreading inside of her. «What do you mean, _you don’t feel him_?».

James was shaking like a leaf. «I don’t know how to explain it, I know his whereabouts and what his strongest feelings are almost all the time, but now it’s just like... it feels like he isn’t anywhere. Something is wrong with him. We must locate him before I completely lose him».

· · ·

«It’s almost time, Matthew». Grace turned to look at him, papers still in her hands, fire in her eyes. She looked at Jesse, who was silently standing a few feet away, guilt and powerlessness devouring him. «I cannot wait to hold you again, brother» she said. Her smile had the usual sinister ring to it. Jesse kept his head down and didn’t dare to look back at her.

Grace pulled the dagger out, the moonlight’s reflection on its blade.

Matthew was just standing there, staring into space. Grace was happy to see that her spell was still strong. It’d better stay that way until the very end.

«Come closer. Step into the circle» the girl ordered.

Just like an automaton, Matthew did as she said. He walked towards her, the chilly wind gently caressing his blond curls and making him shiver weakly. He took long, deep breaths, and tried to focus on the love who still kept his heart beating.

He thought about James. About how much he had lied to him and burdened him with his shadow and almost ruined his happiness with Cordelia. He also thought about how much he loved James and how much he would have wanted to be held in his arms one last time.

He thought about Lucie. He was doing this for her, the girl he had loved for all these years. He would make her happy, his parting being his way to make up for everything that he couldn’t give to her. He would make up for not being worthy of standing by her side.

Grace’s voice sounded so distant as she kept reciting the spell, while his mind was only thinking about his loved ones, about the favour he was doing them by going away and bringing a better person back in his place. His soul could finally rest. He wouldn’t have needed to put up with all that pain anymore. Soon, all he would have been was dust and shadows.

But still, very deep inside him, another voice was screaming and trying to reach out to him: it was begging him to run away, to stay alive and protect the people he cared about, to fight for and with them, and most importantly to be happy, as he had always deserved to be.

Suddenly, he became conscious again, as if his love and most inner strength had someway fought the spell which was controlling him, and he was ready to stand up to the girl in front of him and run away from all that madness. But he was just about to make the first move when a cold and stinging feeling struck his chest, right below where his beating heart lay.

· · ·

James was running so fast that he felt like his lungs were on fire.

Lucie was keeping pace right behind him. Luckily she had managed to put the gear on before going out – it would have been quite a challenge to run like that in her skirts and heels. She was also wearing Matthew’s green coat. She had kept it since the first time he had lent it to her, after when she had talked to Emmanuel Gast’s spirit.

After struggling for a bunch of exasperatingly long minutes, they had succeeded in locating Matthew. They had just arrived at the entrance of Hyde Park when James collapsed on the sidewalk with a groan. Lucie immediately bent over him. «James! Jamie, what is it?» she held him in her arms as he clung to her, crying.

James kept rubbing his hand over the black fabric over his shoulder.

«It... it b-burns...» he whined. Lucie undid the first button of the gear and lowered the edge to uncover his skin. What she saw horrified her. Her brother’s _parabatai_ rune was bleeding and starting to fade away.

«James... y-your rune... Matthew... w-what...» she could barely speak, as realisation hit her, and tears started pouring from her eyes at the thought of something bad happening to her Matthew.

«It’s a-already too late» James stuttered, shaking uncontrollably.

Lucie leaped on her feet, driven by a burst of rage and hope. «No. Get up James, let’s go to him. There must be something that we can still do».

«You go first. I’m feeling so weak, I would slow you down. Run, fast. I’ll be right behind you». Lucie kissed his brother’s hand before turning around and running across the trees and towards the lights.

· · ·

Grace took the bloodied blade out of Matthew’s body with a satisfied sneer and loosened her grip on the boy, who fell on the ground, shocked and with a hand on his chest, where the blood was gushing out from the deep wound.

That was when Lucie arrived, and she screamed desperately as she saw Grace, with her bloodstained hands and clothes, throwing the dagger in the circles. A burst of light came from it and poured towards Jesse’s ghost. He looked lost and ashamed.

«Matthew!» she screamed as she run towards him, who was lying down and groaning, a grimace of pain all over his face.

She knelt down and helped him rest his head on her lap, then she quickly drew out her steele and started drawing _iratzes_ all over him. It was all in vain.

«It’s too late, Lucie» Grace sneered. «Oh– look, it’s working!» she said, excited as she turned to watch Jesse’s body lighting up and moving slightly.

Lucie didn’t even pay attention to her and kept trying to heal Matthew.

«Stop it, Luce... it won’t work. The ritual is done» said Matthew, feebly.

Lucie sobbed. «W-what does all this mean, Math? Why would you ever do this to yourself! Are you out of your mind?». She sounded all but angry. Her voice was full of pain and regret, because deep down she knew that if she had never accepted to help Grace in the first place, they wouldn’t even be here now.

«I thought I was doing this for you... because you could never be happy with me as much as you could have ever been with Jesse».

Lucie felt even more terrible. «Matthew... how could you ever think such things? I thought I was clear enough when I told you I wanted to be with you. It’s true, I wanted to help Jesse... I even felt something for him, but that was all in the past. My heart is completely yours now. I have committed myself to you. I think the events from the last two months prove it pretty well».

Matthew’s eyes were glimmering, dark green and wet with tears. «She was controlling me... I know now. I wasn’t myself. My Lucie...» he ran a hand through her hair and then moved it to her cheek. «You are so beautiful...». Lucie sobbed harder against his hand, holding him closer to her. «Don’t leave me, please, Math...».

«I would have become a better man for you. I was trying, because I love you». He said, his voice becoming weaker and weaker.

«You were already the best, Math!» Lucie yelled at him. « _I_ was the fool one, too distracted by her own stories and desires to be a hero to notice. All I had to do was to look at who was standing by my side, all the time since the beginning». Lucie couldn’t stop crying.

«It was you. It’s always been you. There were times when I tried to entertain myself with the most improbable lovers, and a time when I even thought that my heart belonged to Cordelia. I was wrong. It has always belonged to the enchanting and powerful Lucie Herondale».

Lucie’s heart was shattering into thousands of pieces. «I’m s-so... sorry. I love you so much, and this is all my fault».

«Don’t be sorry. You will be the last thing that I see, it’s all I could ever have wished for. By the way, I can still haunt you as a ghost, you know. But please, enough with the resurrecting spells, all right?» he giggled, and Lucie gave him the hint of a smile. Then he started to cough, and everything became real and painful again.

At that time, James finally reached them. Petrified, he watched as his sister screamed and held his dying _parabatai_ in her arms. They had been bound to each other since they were just kids, and now the rune that Matthew himself had put on James stung on the back of his shoulder as it slowly faded away. That burning ache suddenly shook him, and he rushed to their side. He grabbed Matthew’s hand and brought it to his lips, holding it tight as he struggled to hold back the tears. Blood still came out from the wound on Matthew’s chest, and James felt his pain as if it were his own.

« _Mathew_ » he whispered in his welsh accent, as tears fell down silently along his cheeks. «W-what is all this? What were you even thinking, by the Angel!». He took out his steele and tried to draw an _iratze_ over Matthew’s heart and to give him all the strength he could through the _parabatai_ bond. But by now it was too weak, and Matthew’s skin rejected all the marks James would desperately try to apply.

«All I needed was to be scolded by my beloved _parabatai_ one last time» Matthew smiled with his eyes half-closed.

James run his fingers through his sweaty hair and begun to stroke it. He tried to be as gentle as possible, in order to make Matthew feel at least a glimpse of relief, but he was fuming inside, the darkness building up inside him along with his fury. If only he had been a better friend, a better _parabatai_ , a better brother, he would have noticed so many things when there was still time to do something about them. He felt like the mess that was standing in front of him was all his fault. He couldn’t even take it all on Lucie, despite knowing that she had started all that risky business when she had offered Grace her help. But hadn’t he been under that girl’s influence in the first place? And way before his sister. He knew how it worked and how everything felt right and normal until the spell wasn’t broken for good.

«Math, don’t be stupid. Please, please stay with me. Don’t leave me» James’s voice broke at the end of the sentence. He kept holding his hand tight, kissing it repeatedly and begging him to stay. But Matthew was already leaving their world.

«I-I’m c-cold...» Matthew whispered. James came closer to him, while Lucie moved her arms away for a bunch of seconds to unbutton her coat– _his_ coat. She took it off and James helped her lift Matthew and putting it on his shoulders, just the way he used to do with her. She did the first two buttons and then brought her arms back around him.

· · ·

A few moments later, Cordelia got there as well. She had thanked the Angel Lucie still had her tracking rune activated when she had started worrying after not seeing both her and James for the whole evening. They weren’t supposed to be on patrol that night, so their absence had seemed odd to her.

When she arrived, she noticed Grace holding her brother’s hand, his body lying in a glass coffin, moving slightly. There was light around him.

Then her gaze moved to James and Lucie, both kneeling on the ground and crying, and she immediately reached them.

There, in Lucie’s shaking arms, lay Matthew, motionless, the last bits of life slipping away from his body, the green of his eyes now turned into a dark shade of grey.

«What... what happened?» she asked, but she received no answer. Just more crying.

She didn’t insist and she sat down beside James as she felt her chest hurt and her eyes fill with tears as well. That was her friend Matthew, one of her closest friends who had helped her so much during her first year in London, and whom she had helped in turn when he had told her about his past and everything that he was going through. She had seen him getting better, _happier_ , and finally finding love with Lucie, only to see him like that now, dying in front of them. She felt so powerless.

«I-I didn’t want... I made a mistake...». Matthew struggled to talk and breathe now. «S-she put a spell on me... she made me believe... then I understood... I tried to... b-but it was too slow».

«Shh, say no more, my love» Lucie said, kissing his forehead.

«We know. We know everything now. We wish we had found out in time» James muttered. Cordelia put an arm around him. He was cold and tense.

«James» Matthew smiled feebly, now pale as snow. «Tell your children about the great deeds of their uncle Matthew and that if they’re lucky, they’ll meet him as a ghost. The most handsome ghost they have ever seen, of course. And Cordelia– take care of yourself and of these two bloody Herondales, will you do that for me?». They all sniffed and laughed and cried again. «Of course I will, Matthew».

«Lucie». She looked him in the eyes. «Please, don’t spend the rest of your life regretting your choices. You have made me so happy in such little time, I want you to have a lifetime of that same happiness».

«I can’t– I can’t lose you. I can’t be happy knowing what I did to you».

«Promise me» he begged, and then coughed again.

«I... I promise, Matthew. I just wish we all could have been happy together for much longer than this» Lucie said, her voice hoarse from all the screaming and crying.

«Some things are more precious because they don't last long» he smiled, and then closed his eyes for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I know. I've been working on this fic for a while now, going back to it every now and then, without too much pressure. I finally managed to write this chapter and... well I'm devastated over my own story. My friends keep giving me bad, angsty ideas and I turn them into fanfiction. I'm sorry! This is far from perfect but I think it's just something I needed to write and get off my chest. Also, this is basically everything I would NEVER want to happen in the next books (Chain of Iron's release date is so close now, I can't wait to read it!). Matthew is my comfort character and he totally deserves a happy ending. I need him to be alright! And my hopes are that Cassie will make it happen.  
> But fanfiction is fanfiction (and it better stay like that 😂). 
> 
> Before I go, a few notes: the ritual procedure described here is partially made up by me. I took inspiration by the ones mentioned in The Dark Artifices but they needed a few changes in order to make sense in this story. Also, I don't remember if location runes existed during the time The Last Hours is set in, but I took the liberty to use them anyway! 
> 
> Alright. So, as always I'm super busy with my exams but I'll try to have the next chapter out asap!  
> I hope everyone's alright, stay safe and take care x  
> Lots of love!! x 
> 
> Ari

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know what I was thinking when I started writing this. It's been sitting in my drafts for at least two months now. It was meant to be a one shot, but it got out of hand so there will be a second part. Or even a third, it depends on how I'll deal with the ending. I'm about 2/3 through, I guess. I decided to publish this to give me a reason to finally finish writing the whole thing.  
> Let me know what you think! I'll try to deliver the second part very soon! <3


End file.
